Ian Duncan Smith appointed Work or Else & No Pensions Secretary

I know I've been out of circulation for a few hundred years & that I come from an altogether more penetrating, serious, scientifick, philosophical, cultured, enquiring, not 101% alienated turkeys voting for Xmas, period of human (& otherwise) herstory. But I keep hearing the following statement by the media's assorted Senior Political Correspondents:

"People seem to forget that politicians are human beings as well."

Could anyone enlighten me as to what this means? Is it under the cover of a platitudinous cliché', actually a detourned Situationist slogan, exposing politician's as metamorphosed Kafkaesque bugs? Adroitly sealing off any chance of change or radical democracy, because it's the law of the jungle that 101% of human beings once they become politicians (as well as human), turn into dogs eating dogs. So best just sit back and watch and not get involved. As I type, a screaming against the sky, landing burning all the bridges - The UBS Bridge Academy - I can see Stephen Pinker in my minds eye,
licking the index finger of his right claw and making a North to South vertical motion in the air. 1 nil to us! Game over. A smirk, rifling electrical rain, genetically lighting up his luxurious, Renaissance-pomaded, slate blank, Chubb locks. An end of herstory Eyjafjallajokull throwback.

0% tolerance

I know I've been away for a few hundred years, but I'm interested in our weekly newspaper, The Hackney Gazette. 1 column I always read is Police Watch by Hackney Chief Superintendent, Steve Bending. In their current 6th May Gazette edition, Steve talks about Hackney's much heralded dramatic drop in crime statistics:
"It's important there is honesty. Gun crime has increased in Hackney by 29% in the last year...Gun crime figures include offences that may not involve the use or even the showing of a firearm, so these figures need to be seen in that context. That said, while the number of occasions when firearms have been used is relatively low, it has risen, particularly in the last few weeks."
Steve then goes on to explain all the wide-ranging police initiatives that are tackling this terrible problem. Operation Spoke is interesting:
"Officers taking a zero-tolerance approach to non-endorsable cycling offences, such as cycling on a footway."
As I said, I've been away for a few hundred years & come from the cradle of western enlightenment & call me a radical, non-conformist, scientific genius, born & bred in Haggerston, but doesn't zero tolerance mean no tolerance whatsoever? Is that good? It's not is it. It's barbarism.

The best of times. The worst of times. I'm back!

Citizens, I'm back! Many apologies for the enforced absence. Much to tell. I was requisitioned upon an instant by the worlds leaders, to demonstrate my hollow earth theory in tandem with my diving bell and put the volcano out in Iceland!
So many adventures in the last month, I can't wait to tell you all!
It's not all been good news though. Far from it. Mary has ignominiously cold-shouldered me, well more than cold-shouldered told me I'm 'sick' and to never speak, look or...what else is there?...again.
She's joined a new post-feminist movement that, like Stacking™, is sweeping Broadway Market!
Led by a gnomic enigma, shrouded in mystery - Looser Summers, Mary has thrown me out of what has been my Live/Work space since the 17th century & has thrown open her doors to this Post-Feminist commune. With massive financial backing from Ann Summers (rumour is that Ann is none other than Looser!) & The Avon Ladies. They are calling themselves the Avon Pink Pamper Party!
Summers has started her own blog - Cattle and Mutton & is attracting a lot of interest from the likes of Andrew Boff & Hackney Independent. Apparently she's a safe pair of hands, doesn't mind taking a back seat position but is quietly & ruthlessly climbing the greasy pole...
You wouldn't recognise my old place. The place where I discovered My Comet, amongst other ground-breaking enlightenment discoveries, has been exorcised of what Looser Summers in her hugely popular txt manifesto:
R U cumfrt? Chanj's Wong! L8rs!
Via Feng Shui. They threw all my papers & research, everything defenestrated out of the window & straight to the bottom of the Regents Canal!
I am on my uppers. But I am not defeated. I am sleeping at the moment in a skip on London Fields & living on some really quite delicious cheeses. Trouble is on the weekend all the 30 something coke heads get into the skip for a wheeze and talk dilettante rubbish all night & morning & afternoon & evening & night & morning & afternoon & evening & night & morning.
So undeterred, I am writing this on one of the few remaining thingamajigs that let you look at the web & send emails for free. You know you get them at stations and wherever. There must be a catch bu

Political correctness goes mad on Broadway Market!

I come from The Age of Enlightenment. A time of restless inquiry & rational rejection of ignorance & taboo. So I know not what to make of this foul slur. My application to run a stall on Broadway Market this Saturday has been rejected! Out of hand! By the 2 erstwhile Kray twins:
James Ó Nuanáin, 32, compares Broadway Market to Ridley Road Market: “I think it’s more like Ridley than any other market [in Hackney], but a little bit posher, so it doesn’t compete with Ridley. It’s a little bit more expensive but a similar sort of thing – you’ve got clothes and you’ve got food.” When asked if local people use the market, Ó Nuanáin says, “Well – locally living people … we’ve got cheap fruit and veg, and there are plenty of deals on the market but it is perceived as the Marks and Spencers…”"…Rather than Morrisons,” says Alistair Maddox, 23.
I should have known it, East-end gangsters barrow boys always in the enders preach zero tolerance. Cos @ the eastenders of the day geez, it's all about family innit? I should have known that just because I get my weekend purely medicinal tincture from 'Rocky' outside the Cat & Mutton every Saturday, that does not mean that E8 is ready for really radical Libertarian Entrepreneurship! Oh no! Here's the note I found stuffed through my aperture this afternoon after I'd imbibed an eel @ Cookes. My daily surrogate Leopold Bloom kidney - The eel kicks in presaging epiphany...Oh Gerty, I love yr limp...Oh let me take my limp cock out &...the eel squirming on the rocks, the waves of Regents Canal crashing...and in a corner of the lock-keepers house a woman with 1 leg only the size of a babies, shuffles, carefully hitching up her stays & adjusting her gossamer stockings...

There are many young solvent, solvent abusing parents in E8 now who grew up listening to Michael Jackson, humming 'Everyone's gone up the moon' & reading Alice getting swallowed up by the Red Queen, who have money to burn and no aesthetic taste whatsoever. I just wanted to run a fun kiddies novelty stall, retailing 101% organick & wholesome children's pole-dancing kits. Augmented with children's lacy lingerie, push-up bra's & 9 inch solar powered Rabbit vibrators for under 16's. Something for the weekend, Benny Hill, Carry On, Confessions of a Thimblerigger, saucy postcards, Brian Rix, Stephen Milligan - Just an end of the Beckham Wharf, millennium, 2012, Olympic, sporty range of infanto-erotica! Great for getting to grips with obesity! And an edu-porno aid, helping to impart the often excruciatingly embarrassing parental explanation of the birds and the bees under Late Capitalism!
- Soon dear child.....You want to now how soon my sweet? Not for a long long time! Don't worry my child, you are 13 now & you have so much time...the birds and the bees won't be gone until you have got the key of the door...You've never been 21 before! Ha! Just think, if you have any concept of language, mimesis, love, tolerance by then, keep practicing stacking those placcy-cups! And I'd just tap your knee every so often & see if it responds! Grow your fingernails for scrabbling & like conkers dip them in vinegar. In fact dip your whole body in vinegar, twice a day to be sure, the gig is you need to be as tough as old boots. And a bit like Bruce Lee or David Blaine able to endure, but this won't be an illusion, god no, start sleeping on a bed of nails! Although I presume there will some vestiges of ideology & power still - a kind of postmodern Dark-Age, End of History - try & trick your metabolism somehow into getting your 5 portions a day from darkness...You'll be in my place then - a proud, probably a ticcing, spasmodic, uncoordinated - try & check out Merce Cunnigham wriggling about to John Cage...'Dancing with a dolly with a hole in her stocking, her knees keep on knocking, with a hole in her stocking, her knees keep on knocking etc - disorientated -'Where are we going? I don't know! When will we be there? I'm not certain, all i know is I am on my way!' - parent, blushing all over 24/7 101%! Either that or depending on various variables, angle of collision, stuff about the black sun
[Go and have a look at this . I do. I gaze, sometimes for over a minute at a time! I know it sounds crazy to you...Pardon?...Who am I?...I'm your dad...Where was I...Sorry? You don't know where I am...Ok...alright dear child let me talk, you just vegetate nuclear-digitally on stand-by...The black sun. It haunts me. It's the only whiff...What's a whiff?...Well whiff is a slang word for smell my child...What's a smell?....Just let me continue & I'll take that question next...Please now, Ssh!...Of matter & motion, not instrumental consummation, I get nowa-FOX©-days*...you by then my child may be - but be is a complex matter for philosophical, moral & ethical debate that the greatest thinkers have deliberated over, but it's 99.999% inevitable, that the closest intellectual pursuit to those heady head-heights when you are a parent, if your lucky will be... I-spy/Eye-spy.
- I, I-spy/Eye-spy with my CCTV of an eye...... Nothing..... beginning with...........Nothing!......Oh shit! I've done it again! Sorry! Over & over & over again...Where was I? Or if you're really lucky then Sudoku may survive! We all love puzzles! And you can be any age & stack!
A pink-eyed albino, a blind & paralysed Hamm, whispering into the knee-gill of yr osmotic, a placebo. Who will grow up & want to be a gazebo!



More


and


more


gaps



Like Chapter XXXIII Page 147 of The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy












But with more white space even Christo could wrap up with white space!
But dear child of mine, I can tell you this - What you don't know won't kill you...


*Todays word Nowadays was sponsored by FOX©:

...........FOX©!.........
......FOX©!-FOX©!
..FOX©!-FOX©!FOX©!

The Halley's Comet Pole Dancing kit™, includes an extendable pole, frilly garter, and DVD to demonstrate sexy dance moves. It also features Broadway Market fake money (The Hackney £™)-dubbed Cat & Mutton Dance Dollars™, to reward budding private dancers.

But now my live/lab/loft/mews is surrounded by a angry mob of 30-something, freelance, mortgaged up to the prostrate, superannuated, Pro-Amnesics™, bored out of their tiny...they're tiny...what? I can't remember...! Whatever, I'm a gonna! They're so into Killer App mode they think I'm Gary Glitter! They need a life/work executive life-coaching app to survive! They're a WYSIWYG flashmob! Like the Santamob™ @ Xmas. Augusto Boal please speak up now via your lush greying locks! They are persuaded it's an advert for a mobile phone company and they might get a half day's freelance rimming. They loiter on the self same street corner, every day waiting to be plucked from obscurity...

- I'm Edmond Halley you fools! Don't you know who I am?

What?.....What? Can this really be 2010? The baying mob are shouting back at me!

- You can Stick your Comet up your Arse Halley! Fuck off before we fire you into outer space!

Those bastards @ Broadway Market have ruined me! I blame Sir Michael Wilshaw! Always blame Wilshaw! But, a little bit like ex-Hackney Downs scholar, Maurice Micklewhite AKA Harry Brown - "Citizen turns vigilante against thugs!".
Like Hegel, in need of turning opposite via - the identity of identity and difference, that like cannot be exchanged for like: how the determinations of reflection identity, variety and opposition pass over into contradiction. The differing concepts of equivalence as between formal logic on the one hand, and dialectics on the other. Mathematics defines an equivalence relation as one having reflexivity (A = A), symmetry (if A = B then B = A) and transitivity (if A = B & B = C then A = C). Let us look at each formal-logical component of equivalence in turn. (It must be said however, that ‘=’ is the kernel of dialectics in mathematics, and a full study of its nature would require a comprehensive study of dialectics.) Reflexivity: The Law of Identity, A= A. Outside the context of the definition of the symbol, =, this law is a useless tautology which leads nowhere – except in so far as ‘A on the left’ is not the same, but the opposite of ‘A on the right.’ That is, the meaning of the law is the identity of opposites – the statement that every single concept contains two opposite sides. In the formal-logical interpretation that everything is equal to itself, it is either a barren and useless statement leading nowhere, if taken abstractly, or, if applied concretely, wrong and one-sided, since A also not = A. (source) - then the right way round :
Citizen turns vigilante against thugs!

I killed Sir Michael Wilshaw! Or did I?

Sir Michael Wilshaw, Head of Mossbourne Academy circa 1949

I murdered Sir Michael Wilshaw on the canal-bed of the Regent's Canal on Saturday. I shot the Sheriff of Hackney Skools. It was a mercy killing. I did it for the future generations of Hackney yoof. Our only hope for revolution - enquiring, rebellious, full of passion & anger & hatred & disdain...that bastard was in the front-line of an all-out assault - putting the young working-class to the sword, by rote! So I caved his head in. This mediocrity, this bully, this over-paid authoritarian tin-pot dictator, the Michael Caine of pedagogy, had been given his head as Chief Head and now his head is a dilapidated mess. Another bit of lost Hackney heritage in the depths of the alluvial navigation...

The Sun. World Exclusive!
HEADMASTER Sir Michael Wilshaw swings open a classroom door and 30 smartly dressed pupils stand to attention.
“Good morning, Sir,” they say in perfect unison, before launching into a mantra which marks the start of every lesson.
“I aspire to maintain an enquiring mind, a calm disposition and an attentive ear so that in this class and in all classes I can fulfil my true potential.”
It is one of a series of strict rituals which must be observed every day at the Mossbourne Community Academy.
Others include: No mobile phones, no MP3 players, no gum chewing, no rudeness, no lateness and no bullying.
Children must also raise hands before asking questions, address teachers as Miss or Sir and form orderly lines at the end of each break time. Failure to comply invokes a range of strict sanctions including Saturday detentions. The ethos of zero tolerance and extreme respect has helped to transform the school in Hackney, East London – one of the capital’s most deprived boroughs – into a centre of excellence. Now Tory leader David Cameron is keen to learn lessons from the school, which educates 800 pupils aged 11 to 15.
(Inset) Keen ... happy pupils at Mossbourne...
He recently chose Mossbourne Community Academy to launch a manifesto to free schools from “a bog of low expectations” and bring back a culture of respect to classrooms. Sir Michael, who was knighted for services to education in 2000, says the secret of the school’s success is straightforward.
He says: “You can’t do anything without good behaviour because some children in areas such as this come from unstructured homes. Fifty per cent of our children are entitled to free school meals and 34 per cent are on the special needs register.We have children who live on estates with one parent, little money, no employment in the family and they are exposed to violence and gangs. Although their lives at home might be difficult, when they come here they feel safe because we create a disciplined environment for them. It’s a formal, traditional structure but it liberates children who otherwise get trapped in chaos. When they step over the boundaries clear sanctions are applied. If a child is cheeky to a teacher they may be required to stay behind until 6pm or even come in on Saturday morning. The rules are made clear to pupils and parents and they accept them. But, equally, there is lots of praise for children who do well.”
Sir Michael, a highly respected teacher of 40 years’ experience, has earned a reputation for turning tough schools around. In 2004 he was chosen to launch Mossbourne Community Academy – one of Labour’s flagship academy schools. Academies are free from local education authority control and private sponsors give a maximum of £2million in return for a large degree of control over the school’s curriculum, ethos and staffing.
Sir Michael says: “The new school was built on the site of the old Hackney Downs School, which was closed down and demolished in 1995 after being dubbed the worst school in Britain."

Hackney Downs
Just before its closure, over 70 percent of the boys spoke English as a second language, half came from households with no-one in employment, and half the intake had reading ages three years below average. Things came to a head in the 1990s, when the school made national news by being described by the then Conservative government as the 'worst school in Britain'. Eventually, as a result of direct government pressure, the school was forced to close in 1995.
The decision remains controversial to this day, opponents of the closure pointing out that Hackney Downs was singled out for special treatment by the government, and that its academic results were not significantly worse than many other inner-city comprehensives, especially considering the problems it had inherited, including the steady 'decanting' of problem pupils—who had frequently been expelled from their original schools—to Hackney Downs. Ironically, this process may have started because of the school's good reputation.
Notable alumni
* Steven Berkoff, actor, playwright, director
* John Bloom, 60s tycoon
* Eric Bristow, World Champion Darts Player
* Sir Michael Caine (Maurice Joseph Micklewhite, Jr.), CBE, actor (attended in 1944-1945, when he was evacuated to King's Lynn during World War II)
* Cyril Domb, physicist
* Abram Games, graphic designer
* Dalton Grant, high jumper
* Jerry Pam, Hollywood Agent and Member of the Finance Committee of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences; publicist of Sir Michael Caine[2]
* Maurice Peston, Baron Peston of Mile End, English economist
* Harold Pinter, CBE, CH, and 2005 Nobel Laureate (attended from 1944 to 1948; evacuated to Cornwall during World War Two)
* Lt. Col. F. J. Roberts, editor of the 'Wipers Times'
* Norman Rose, biographer of Sir Winston Churchill
* Barry Supple, Emeritus Professor of Economic History, University of Cambridge, and a former Director of the Leverhulme Trust (attended from 1942 to 1949)
* Sir Stanley Burnton, Lord Justice of Appeal and Fellow of St. Edmund Hall, Oxford
* Roland Camberton, Writer
* Alexander Baron, Writer
* Ivor Compton, founder of the Hall of Cards chain which later merged with Hallmark Cards.

Except...rumours have begun to reach me...that oh no...The Learning Trust, in anticipation of assassination attempts on Sir Michaels life, have been accepting 'resting' actors from nearby Working Links, a wonderfully run commercial tight ship/pedalo oar of the UKplc's New Deal New-Seekers programme - 'We want to teach the world to skivvy in perfect harmony!' & r offering free prosthetic Sir Michael jowls fitted at no extra cost, apart from 2 weeks dole + elocution lessons from Jamie Oliver's avatar tongue in a skip @ Sainsbury's. They've have been fanned out all over the borough as political decoys, counterfeits to Sir Michael Wilshaw, taking the bullet for the great man for £64.73p a week - deductions on a strictly non-profit zero tolerance commercial basis:

Perhaps the most famous political decoy, soldier M.E. Clifton James successfully impersonated General Bernard Montgomery ("Monty") for intelligence purposes during World War II .In 1940, James acted in an Army production called When Knights Were Bold and his photograph appeared in an Army newspaper with a remark about how much he resembled General Montgomery. As a result, he was approached by actor David Niven in May 1944. Niven, then a Colonel in the Army Kinematograph Section, told James he was wanted to impersonate "Monty", as this would allow Montgomery to be somewhere else, so confusing the Germans.James had to learn Montgomery's gestures, mannerisms, gait and voice and had to give up smoking. Because James had lost his right-hand middle finger in the First World War, a realistic replacement was made. Even his wife had to be deceived and was both kept in the dark and sent back to Leicester. Once he was trained, his trip as "Monty" was to Gibraltar and from there to Algiers. "Monty's" presence succeeded in confusing the Germans in regard to the invasion plans. James was later the subject of a biopic called I Was Monty's Double starring James himself in (of course) the double role as Monty and himself.

So it's possible the man who's head I smashed & pummelled like an old pumpkin into a million dessicated pieces into the Hackney briny, was not that jumped-up bully boy Wilshaw!

~~~~~~~

I grow more alarmed by the moment that Sir Michael Wilshaw is still alive and that I have brutally butchered a feckless, doley-scum, ne'er-do-well, who no-one will miss and was taking up to much precious carbon! Especially after this video arrived via another anonymous floppy disk secreted I know not how in my undercrackers as I went out (incognito, fearing a dragnet) promenading up & down Broadway this morning...It had this inscribed in blood on the back of a 'Vote Boff 4 Major!' corrupted sticker.

Communique #1. The Angry Brigade #2.
£0 Reward offered for the first person to reveal details of where Sir Michael Wilshaw lives.
Stacking. Beans & Toms. Or mushy peas. Or Alphabetti Spaghetti. Orelse.
All that Stacking's making me itch!